Archive for March 15th, 2010

…it all came crashing down!  I just couldn’t hold it all in any longer.  I had a good cry and let all my fears be known.  I’m just SO overly frustrated.  Why does the scale hate me so much?  What am I doing wrong?  Is it me?  Why am I stuck with these last 6 lbs?  Why can’t I lose 50?  Why can’t I FINALLY be under 200 lbs?

Needless to say, I welcomed Kevin back from Paris.  He is such a great sport.  I am thankful every single day that I have him as a friend and trainer.  Even better is his degree in Psychology or something.  Whatever it is, it helps him understand all these dumb fears.

He reminded me that its ok for things to go slow.  This might very well be my PLATEAU.  Its a long plateau but I will get past it.  When I look back on this stage of my life in 5 or 10 years, I’ll know that I did it MYSELF.  With no help from pills, fad diets or surgery.  I did it the right way.  I’m sure I’ve said it before but this is the HARDEST thing that I’ve ever done in my entire life.

So, I spent my entire hour with Kevin sitting on the floor of his office and crying my eyes out.  I poured out my heart and soul.  I just want this SO bad and when I am only down about 2 lbs in 3 weeks…its disheartening.  It makes me want to throw my hands up and QUIT.  But I know that I can’t.  I don’t quit things that I set my mind to.  I must push forward and reach my goal.  I can’t wait until I can write that I finally made my goal.  Trust me, it will come!  So, just bear with me and remind me every now and again…that I’m doing the right thing.  That I’m still doing a good job.  That I’ve come a long way.  And lastly that I’ve already succeeded in SO many ways.

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On another note, I had my FIRST  private session of Reformer Pilates.  I am in LOVE!  It is amazing.  I am also excited to see the results after the next 6 to 8 weeks.  I’ve heard great things about it and I know that being diligent, that I’ll be successful.  WOW, it was SO MUCH FUN!  I’m going back on Friday at noon for another private session.  After that its once a week on Thursday nights for 6 weeks!